Start an event and I will add it to the calendar once we get some rules in place. The only cost is your time to host and monitor it, be accountable or have a backup plan. Lat minute event cancellations without mother nature being involved is not an option. There was nothing worse then gong to a meeting during covid and seeing were full on a door. The only good thing about it was we were following rules we had no control over. So as much as it sucked I realized that the risk which was complete shutdown if we broke the rule helped me make it through most. We just can't have an event shutdown other then a 100% legitimate reason. And that is why we need each event to have multiple backup plans and people. Were playing with peoples lives. You know how I know this is because I feel it today because I planned an event that was 100% on my ass. If it goes astray I could hurt a lot of people. That is too much to bare for an alcoholic with hardly any sobriety or is this the ultimate test. Are you in or are you out. One day at a Time I will keep you at bay. Or one hour, one minute or second. Wednesday August 17, 2022. I just realized this is the first blog or story of the beginning of Out of the Ashes. As you noted before I really messed up. I broke every rule that I could have put up there. I put myself first because I am selfish. Today I passed by 5 LCBO ;s and I almost caved so many times. Like truly I was 100 percent I was drinking tonight. And I said a little prayer that was God, I need you now or something like that. And then I said to myself there is no way God can help me now as I'm drinking, I want to, I'm not upset, I'm disappointed but that is ok, I feel happier then today so a drink would be a good thing not a bad thing. Play the tape forward. That's what I kept doing, playing the tape forward. I was truly doing this every minute at first but the disease was always on my tail. Then I would get distracted by a friends text of encouragement and the beast would back off slightly.. This literally happened all day and by 5:30 I was exhausted. The cravings were not as bad anymore so I decided to sleep and get to a meeting at 8. Wokeup at 8 cravings were bad. Sponsor was keeping an eye on me from time to time, reminding me over and over again why I got this. Just before I got home he reminded me of the meeting at 8. I slept right until meeting time. I slept soundly, not a fucking chance it was just about hating this fucking disease. I got some shut eye but my demon didn't. It was back in full force with so much more ammunition. so here I am again playing the tape forward playing the tape forward asking for help that never ever comes. Fighting as the DOC is so much better then what I am feeling right now. Play the tape forward play the tape get to a meeting get to a meeting GET TO A MEETING. And you get in your car and you feel like you are heading to a meeting but it truly never seems that easy as letting your guard down it has you, and boom life punches you right in the nose. A text that you are so afraid to read, and you need courage to open it but you can't, and boom you snap out and say my life is more important then a text, And you go to that meeting well about 15 mins of it. But there he is your sponsor who was the seed I needed to have planted. Just a don't forget about the meeting at 8. Whatever I'm going to drink today because my higher power doesn't know how my brain thinks. Wait a minute its 1:19 AM Thursday. And once you realize that Your ask your higher power for help and please do not forget to thank your higher power at night. Your higher power is in all of us including You.Thank your fucking self,s sorry I picked that up about 3 weeks ago. And that is when it occurred to me. I made it, I went through hell and I made it to another 24 hours. Well done my higher power. By thanking myself I'm thanking you. Love yourself like you would love your Mom, Dad and family, I have a fairly large family, I truly can't remember all of your names. Everyone who has touched my heart. . . Love yourself first so you can rise Out of The Ashes like a Phoenix.